Happy birthday to my very special child, Baby Yvan

12 months had passed, there was a little boy who happen to change our whole life. Born on April 12, 2012, 10 P.M. I was never aware of what was happening when I gave birth to this little boy. All I know is, I was able to bring you outside this world. Yes, it was very painful than my previous pregnancy because we notice even if you are ready to come out and yet there’s something bothers me. And I did not sleep for 24 hours after my delivery thinking of you anak. Daddy called me, you are about to die because you were born prematurely and you have neonatal pneumonia with sepsis, after doing so many tests, infections were beginning to go inside your body. I felt dying and even if the doctor did not allow me to go because I need to rest, I insist. When we finally reach PCGH-ICU, I saw you with so many tube, from head to toe and you’re in so much pain. I never stop crying. Almost dying.

I can still remember June 11, when we decided to bring you home. Doctor said, you are not allowed to yet because of your critical condition. All those time, we always listen to what they are saying. Until this day, we want to spent the rest of our life taking care of you and be with you because you are close to death. I am afraid of losing of you anak. So afraid.

And now God has given you such a wonderful gift on your birthday, being alive and getting well as days goes by. I thought dealing with your situation is the most painful, but what mommy and daddy realized, it will be more painful if we will not see you alive.